ACHIEVEMENT.

Note: i feel so sorry that i talk about what my mind persistently bangs at me, like a gong trying to give me a wake-up call. Maybe it's my wake up call...to sleep again.:D

It's my first time to use the computer here at the Main lib, and my first time to use a Mac in my whole life!:)

Anyway, i'm so happy to-day. The hotdog at the 2nd floor of Carpark is THE HOTDOG. I fell in love with it at the first bite. It's pleasurable to the palate, with mustard and ketchup at your own choice! Since I'm not a food connoisseur i can not describe it completely that it will make you drool.:)

It's also my first time to eat at Ice Monster. I ordered Buko Pandan. It comes to me now that this keyboard is so nice to tap letters and thoughts in that I have come to my recent insight that TODAY MUST BE AWESOME FOOD DAY!:)

There will be a GRAND FOOD FIESTA LATER. EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THE FOOD.

I wish i have a PC like this, that way, i could type in nice ideas and nice topics of what's going on for the whole day. The keyboard is almost superfluous that I type as my thoughts come in. It's amazing. To be deprived of such privilege is depressing. I could go on and on and on....

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I have also wondered what a real heart break would feel like. Just today, my friend's friend was busted because his girlfriend cheated on him (having a relationship with another person while they are on!). I can feel for him, the courtesy to inform the other that she has found another is lost nowadays. You can love and love another time. It's just like sh*ting and sh*ting around the place. Though the saying goes LOVE HAS NO RULES, you still have the responsibility for anything that you love or loved (like the Little prince's realization that he really loves the rose). Other than that, I don't know what is going on...

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LIKE I SAID, i can type all day! I met my first degree cousins on my dad's side yesterday (ONLINE). I was so shocked that Ate Melissa looks oddly similar to me!, and what makes me more curious is that, she loves to read books and write with wit and fervor like ME. She is currently an executive secretary for the DOH secretary and she finished MED at UP as a SUMMA / MAGNA CUM LAUDE.(?) *nosebleeds* I find her cool...she loves dogs!:)

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I read The Woman with Two Navels by Nick Joaquin for a book report on Phil. Lit.. I got addicted to the print, his words are full of life and intensity that it's simply EYEGASMIC.

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Yesterday, I met two of my highschool friends to watch the fireworks yesterday... it was fantastic but short-lived.

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-tell you not a poem-

Sometimes, i wonder if i can live forever.

I could use the time to do whatever i want

'til this world completely disintegrates.

I could be rich and spend endlessly

on dust and rain.

I could be studying and

be the smartest person alive.

I could witness every pain and smile

Of this shallow life.

Fads and eras pass.

I could wait and watch seeds grow

to perennial wood towers.

I could fall in "love"...

a dozen times

and never get satisfied.

I could fall in love...

and watch my lover die.

Then i would be breathing still,

but i'm no longer alive.

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Definition of Love By andrew Landon

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.

Love isn't her calming you down when you yell. It's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.

It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's her standing there, admitting she's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.

It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole.

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Lucy at the sky.

♥ ❤ ❥ ,

Cerulean Damé.