Maybe This Is Wisdom.

The habit of thinking before you have your reaction.
The habit of mentally fighting your initial and unsound reaction from being enacted.
The habit of not having any reaction at all to the stimuli.

Months pass but I still got a lot of inconsistencies to slash out. See, this is the art of learning. You attain it with practice. As people do practice on perfecting their skills, so do I with gaining wisdom over continues conscious action to abide with the set of virtues. All I needed was time, patience and God-will to do what's just.

The previous posts don't make any much sense to me. I could just type in another worthless post full of egoistic rants about life,trivial preferences over it and pretty much "me"and the people I love as the heroes/heroines of the story of my life. Then there's God. Once you learn how great God is you would feel so tiny and feel just like plankton claiming to be the most important thing to be thought of in this universe. And you would even look like a clown with all of your imperfections. I always see myself as that. Then you would learn that there are billions of people in this world and more than a million who are greater than you in ALL aspects. So where do you see yourself now?

I see myself nowhere. A nada. A worthless being. I do know I am here for a reason but NOT for one sole reason as purported by society and the media (e.g. to love you, to kill you, to conquer some land).

To post here is senseless. I don't know if i would keep on posting in here after long but I do know that it wouldn't matter at all because I consider myself to be nothing (which is true more than anything but GOD).

Too much has happened. I don't know where to start. It's been a whirlwind of drastic changes over the landscape over too short a time and all I can do is look. Look upon the open space of what is now, what was left and what is still there to change.

They say (I'm just saying this but no, I invented "they"), when people leave you lose a part of yourself. Because of the interaction people have imparted on you, you tend to have given some of your traits to them and some of them to yours. When you lose them, you also lose yourself. Both are at losing ends. Some people go batshit crazy over this but the first thing I did was call out to Perfection. Y'know, because He had all the answers. He answered me with "Be still and know that I am God" -Ps 46 buzz. But I am imperfect, so I took things on my own and i tend to be a worry wart. I failed in doing so. Then I failed again. And then again and again.

I stopped trying and decided to do it His way which is be patient (there is a time for everything ecclesiastes) and wait.

When I got home for the summer, a lot of things happened too.
Things that have to do with family and what seemed to be a multitude of impediments.

Which is still alive up until now, of course.
But you know what, God never fails me.

I tested Him with minimal and silly things and He answers back amazingly.
Let's say...give me a person that will kickstart my journey in following You.
He sent one, by chance, on a visit for a few days in Phil. after what seemed a decade of not visiting, it was the best friend of my mom whom she have not talked to in years.
He even exclaimed that it might be his purpose in visiting here.

Oh right, because we're both fanatics. crazy fanatics of God without being oh so satanic catholic church bowing before porcelain and wooden statues 'cause good works will get ya to heaven lie like hypocritically devout(sanctimonious!) people.

So, thank you God for giving me these circumstances I would never expect.
However I may go against it, there will be a time (and it's closing in) I will fully obey
Your will and not mine.

And I know that even if I may ask what is the reason(and You answer it),
I would never be able to comprehend it--even after this lifetime.
Your reason and purpose is higher than what my human intellect could grasp.

so, thank you.
[learning to be grateful is a gift]
[i keep on learning]