The Middle Path.

There are moments in your life when you feel as if you're doing it all wrong and everybody seems to be going to the right path. After all, you're taking up the path nobody would like to be in the first place. You aren't entering and finishing up the stage for a formal higher education. If they've chosen your path of giving a year without it, they'd consider it as a phase and a struggle, but you, you've chosen it with your freedom and with immense deliberation.

I've touched down here again in Bulacan (dad's place) and would be attending a workshop tomorrow. So far, I've had accomplished these things from summer up until July:

- I've managed to read, devour and understand about 40 books (mostly focused on the area I'm working upon).
- I've met a lot of people, heard a lot of their stories.
- Traveled a lot. Thought a lot.
- Slept with leisure.

 It seems like I have no direction. I have no schedule but I've read more books than any other period in this life. It seems like I'm lost but I'm definitely taking my time. I wasn't out partying and using all that free time for glorious hedonism but I wasn't also using it to work and gain some funds for things. I wasn't bumming out as well, I was writing out and studying over my projected plan over the course of the months; sorting out the voice of the others and shimmering and clarifying mine and what I really want out of it.

I'd like to thank this period for giving me the opportunity to take up the things with full freedom on it. The greatest enemy I've had are fear and laziness. Most of the times, fear when not heeded upon turns out to be nothing but a product of overthinking gone wrong and laziness is an OCD way to act upon it.

Just because I have a seemingly indefinite amount of free time to do the things I wanted means that I have the right to delay things. One reason I might be delaying things is because there doesn't seem to be any tangible results on my preparations. I sought people, and they offered me directions. It takes time for a tangible result to be produced but it may just as well happen overnight in ways I would've never thought of.

And that's just how it is. I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing. Living what I am living.

"When are you going back?"

I won't be going back. If I find that things fit and I find it while passing the one I'm taking on, then I'll take it.

Time waits for no one. And since I haven't really had any luck on time machines or time travel, I'll take the advice the father from the film About Time gave to his son. To live every day of your life as if it were a second chance given to you, and you ought to make it better than you've lived it before. To keep the thought of finiteness of people around you, like Ryuk from Death Note seeing the remaining lifespans of human beings. Maybe if you did see the invisible "life span" of people around you, you'd treat them better than you would've. Time spans are real. People could die any time. You won't be able to see their exact "life spans" above their head but you have the knowledge to know that death is the only thing that's certain.

I won't stop and wait before I'd see mine. Believe in people and believe in their possibilities. And above all, be kind.


Until the next blog post,
Aytako.

Current quote on my blog:

"Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure."
George Edward Woodberry