Why Formal Education To Me Is Like a Relationship Gone Bad.

Precaution: This isn't serious. This is a post-clearance/workout/long walk home smorgasbord..and was completed via mobile.

And why every word except for "a" started with a capital letter in it to make the format similar to a title.

Today, I took a trip to school in order to get my clearance and TOR. While I was completing the signatures for the form, I came across "some" of my profs who cared for me (no sarcasm) and asked the reason for my gap year and then suggested I finish the few units I have left or continue it while working. The first prof who believed in me and motivated me to engage myself in activities in the university said that I must finish it. I respected him and looked up to him like a father and it left me with moartroubledthoughts. Every thought that went over my head had happened. I met ALL my profs along the way. It was a trip of the guilt-oozing kind but I've completed it with a smile on my face (a genuine one at that). 

ChickenSadly, I didn't get my TOR. They needed the form 137, which they have directed that I take from my highschool. I travelled again to my highschool (it was a 20 min. ride on a trike) and GUESS WHAT ITWASNTTHERE-ITWASSENTTOMYFIRSTUNIVERSITY WHICHISLOCATEDINFARRFARRAWAYLAND.

Which is a 13-hour bus ride and upon completion, I'd be needing to get back to   my univ again in order to finally get my clearance. Or I'd be able to think of a sleeker way of getting it. 

But this is not my intent on typing here..I just have to put that in as some kind of a background.

School is like a relationship gone bad (or a roadkill).

I just couldn't face the wreck it caused. 

Couldn't I just move on from it? 

I know it may sound kind of dumb especially if you see school as the only way to get a decent way of living or to achieve muchsuccesswow in life..

and the bad thing is.. I don't believe in it.

I just don't care anymore. It's a relationship gone bad.

I wanted to consider what the points are but I couldn't bring myself to face the wreck and fix it and make the magic happen again..like it used to be for the sake of the other party involved (loved ones including compassionate profs).

Where is it? Was it too late to save it?

I imagine going through the relationship again. I'd put my two feet in only when I was interested and would spend most of the time enjoying the other things that came along with it (and not it itself). 

It wasn't like this in the beginning. At first, I was serious. I was devoted even at the cost of people being against it. It was one of my sources of inspiration. I had a clear vision of the future in mind.

But when the time came when things needed to change at its very core, I started resenting it. 

I started to drift off little by little, until I started cancelling the main parts off passive-agressively. After all, the foundation was too great to break down in a single day. I started to dissipate in my faith out of indifference and disgust. 

People still care and it's hard to have it all crashing down within one's mind. Imagination surely takes one on a more exhilirating ride than the actual experience of it without the overlays of fantasy.

One day, it began to break down. The truth won out. 

The turning of the tables was just a deal breaker for me and perhaps, I didn't really love the vision of me with it unconditionally. Or perhaps, I've changed too much that it began to drift away as it didn't change the way how it was. 

We were on different terminals at different time zones moving and stopping without any connection. 

Perhaps someday or maybe soon enough at some unexpected time, we could meet again. If we'd be happening to meet on the same terminal at the same time zone still looking into the same horizon as we did back then, we could make it happen.

You were common for other people but for me, we are an exception.

I'm leaving our fate into the stars for I could and must admit, I don't know any better and I don't know what to make out of the entirety of this thing and everybody seems to have it figured out. 

I don't. I'm sorry. 

I'd continue believing in what we desired when "we" happened the first time, I'd just keep on doing it on my own until I could see you, peering out of the window or writing something and wondering about me, or by a sudden pulse of awareness like a forgotten thought rising from one's subconscious -- both of us were thinking and longing for each other separately at the same time and couldn't find any reason to drown "us" back into the depths of our minds and the darkness covering our souls. When the light also finds you, let me know.

No matter. I'll be back.

-- Aytako