IDK why I'm typing. But anyway, I am currently typing in this year ender vlag post.
Do you remember that moment when you get tired of your own antics?
Well, this is what's happening to me right now (I can't remember..).
And so, for the past 4 years this blog has been up and running I will have a 4 year recall and have some reflections regarding it (and post pics if available).
YEAR 1
2009
DEC. 30: CHANGING
"Changing- I miss typing monologues . Changing...hm, thinking of it makes me wonder , change is not replacing, it is the transition from one phase to another.. wherein there is still a part of the old phase that comes with the appearance of the new phase. Departing from somewhere I last left off. My viewpoint on life will never be the same. 2009 will soon expire. I'm happy that I have cleared another point in life, that speculation of dust on my window sitting outside has been erased. Lesson learned."
What I Can Remember:
This was my first year in the blog and as far as I could remember I was in 4th year HS back then. Reading this now, I would've never thought I would be this insightful at this early part in my bratty lifestyle. It's now have I realized that typing blogs really makes sense. I have and never will regret doing this.
Other Matters:
A whole new part of my life opened up here. It changed me unlike anything that have ever happened before.
YEAR 2
2010
MARCH 2 & 20: Should I Give Up? Non cheri & Summer is Now :)
From Should I Give Up..
Sometimes we let affection, go unspoken,
Sometimes we let our love go unexpressed,
Sometimes we can't find words to tell our feelings,
Especially towards those we love the best.
I won't let this go to waste. Even if you'd turn your back on me.
From Summer is Now..
So I told a friendly star
The way that dreamers often do
Just how wonderful you are
And why I'm so in love with you.
-secret love,mandy moore.
NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: HMMM! HAHAHA! ..ABANGAN! (MALI ANG AKALA MO,HUH!) :)))-113111.
What I Can Remember: I couldn't remember what's with Nov. 3,2011 (and why does it sound so bitter). But regarding March, it's the last month of my HS life and the Graduation day.
LAST DAYS OF HS: Well, i knew sooner or later it would end so I took the chance to take pictures because I know I'm going to look for it someday. Everyone's preppy and in good light. I was also busy compiling the "graduate's directory" back then.
pictures.
pictures.
pictures.
more pictures.
more pictures.
the graduate's directory.
GRADUATION DAY: BIG DAY. But i couldn't see how big it was when it is THE DAY. It's grad day now..does HS life end immediately? What's in it for college?
Other Matters: Predecessors finally gave up. Some things are relieved. Cut.
June - December 2010 :
What I Can Remember: And so the college life has officially started. I still couldn't see how things are different. I was always wishing for one thing..to see beyond what my knowledge could reach. To be able to feel outside the boundaries of my persona and judgment. Maybe life was just waiting for me to tell the truth to myself. Maybe I was waiting for another "change", a toss above the quagmires of usual steps.
Credits: Aron Kuntel
Paskuhan: I was waiting for somebody to spend it with. I'm not really sure how I was that night. Was I lame? Was I too boring as a company? I remember you saying you had colds. I remember letting you hold the jacket. I was always hesitating to say things. To let these things be spoken outside my awareness was hard even though I feel it all the time. It's just that maybe I walk too slow for people who always have this need to keep on moving forward and fast. You were the first person I've decided to tell some of the places and things I hate (which I haven't told anyone) but always lost the time for the rest of it. Maybe it's just me.
YEAR 3
2011
January: Other predecessor moved out of the house. I was told that I would have to be transferring univs. by the next school year. I did have a bunch of friends at the dorm and with the higher ups in my course but not so much at my block. They really enjoy this HS stuff. I couldn't really add up anything to the gossip they're talking about. I wouldn't be guilty in being shot with garbage if I was guilty of participating in it. I didn't care. Everything around me is just noise and static. I couldn't even tell it to you. I'm blocked by my own will.
I held the phone and was thinking of the aftermath of the matter I would have to perpetuate. It was my choice to do so. It was at this point I realized I do these things when I'm bothered with bigger things I think I should only face alone. Why would anyone deserve my load, why would anyone ever dare? And so I've pushed everything away (not necessarily keeping the part that I know I'm hurting myself in the process).
February: My dreams were horrible at night. They were speaking of great changes ahead and I know I wouldn't be able to do anything about it (neither was it of my actions). There was nothing I could do if circumstances would throw me away like a wave crashing at a pebble by the seashore. I kept every minute I spent with friends within my heart. I was making up for an apology that ultimately failed. I was reading on gnostic teachings and I am relieved.
March - May: I was on a spiritual retreat (my mindset was). I've attempted to know more about my belief every single day. I was thinking maybe it could help me see that things are not so bad at all. Maybe what I felt before was just something I could get over with intensive spiritual discipline. I took this up for the rest of the year and onwards.
June - December: Transferred univ. Everything went by fast. I met awesome freethinkers but kept on with the spiritual studies. They have taken me like a meatball thrown in a spaghetti. Suddenly, "me" was an asset in creating stuff. Psychology rocks. And so are the orgz,overnights and whatnot. By late october, I saw you again. You've looked at me for a long time as I've seen within my periphery. It was that simple and yet nothing happened. There could've been something. I remembered. Predecessor is moving forwards. Traveled on saved allowance. Refreshing.
YEAR 4
2012
January: I didn't celebrate my birthday. Didn't want to. Somehow, I realized I think I might know how it feels like.
February: Joined an N.G.O. Felt alive with it. It was better to be one with the plight of the masses than to be wallowing in self-pity. There was this sudden awakening in social and political consciousness. I loved it.
March: Traveled to places I've never been before with people I've known (and have met) only for a month. To be a stranger held in a thought lost in a crowd of people was always exhilarating. To pretend not to know , be entirely it and yet still not recognized is nothing short of what a beautiful life there is.
April - May: Had summer classes (to minimize my load on the coming school year). Had a lot of solitary walks on hills and rivers. Wrote. Wrote. Wrote. Read. Read. Wrote. Listened to strangers from everywhere. They have wonderful and distinct lives. Wrote.
June - October: Continued with the orgs. Pub. Realized that 3 years of college life wasn't as long as I would have imagined it to be back then. At the start of june I adapted to an Agnostic mindset. Some people wanted me. One had a moment once, held me by the head and attempted to kiss me. I turned it down. My heart skipped a beat. My mind was elsewhere. And so was that missing beat. idk.
November: Dreamed an awful lot. I couldn't stop it. Cleared out that future pathway of mine. Decided.
December: I bumped into a hs classmate while walking home. Somehow knew things are better for me in the present moment. I am no longer hesitant in being weird in anyway. I've done a lot of things I never thought I could do as an introvert. I somehow seem like an extrovert nowadays. People aren't hard to be friends with. Thought maybe this time, both have lost belief in an unspoken vow and maybe it was lost long ago, I just didn't see it. Maybe to be pragmatic is to accept that there's no hope in things that aren't worked for. And so I did. All things need to be worked for.
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
[La vita e bella.]
WAYTOGO BLOG!
(4 YEARS)
Have a Merry Christmas (pagan holiday)
And an enlightening New Year! :)
I am still looking forward to NWO,Illums.
[/2012]
Graduation.
Last pic.
Other Matters: Predecessors finally gave up. Some things are relieved. Cut.
June - December 2010 :
What I Can Remember: And so the college life has officially started. I still couldn't see how things are different. I was always wishing for one thing..to see beyond what my knowledge could reach. To be able to feel outside the boundaries of my persona and judgment. Maybe life was just waiting for me to tell the truth to myself. Maybe I was waiting for another "change", a toss above the quagmires of usual steps.
Credits: Aron Kuntel
Paskuhan: I was waiting for somebody to spend it with. I'm not really sure how I was that night. Was I lame? Was I too boring as a company? I remember you saying you had colds. I remember letting you hold the jacket. I was always hesitating to say things. To let these things be spoken outside my awareness was hard even though I feel it all the time. It's just that maybe I walk too slow for people who always have this need to keep on moving forward and fast. You were the first person I've decided to tell some of the places and things I hate (which I haven't told anyone) but always lost the time for the rest of it. Maybe it's just me.
YEAR 3
2011
January: Other predecessor moved out of the house. I was told that I would have to be transferring univs. by the next school year. I did have a bunch of friends at the dorm and with the higher ups in my course but not so much at my block. They really enjoy this HS stuff. I couldn't really add up anything to the gossip they're talking about. I wouldn't be guilty in being shot with garbage if I was guilty of participating in it. I didn't care. Everything around me is just noise and static. I couldn't even tell it to you. I'm blocked by my own will.
I held the phone and was thinking of the aftermath of the matter I would have to perpetuate. It was my choice to do so. It was at this point I realized I do these things when I'm bothered with bigger things I think I should only face alone. Why would anyone deserve my load, why would anyone ever dare? And so I've pushed everything away (not necessarily keeping the part that I know I'm hurting myself in the process).
February: My dreams were horrible at night. They were speaking of great changes ahead and I know I wouldn't be able to do anything about it (neither was it of my actions). There was nothing I could do if circumstances would throw me away like a wave crashing at a pebble by the seashore. I kept every minute I spent with friends within my heart. I was making up for an apology that ultimately failed. I was reading on gnostic teachings and I am relieved.
March - May: I was on a spiritual retreat (my mindset was). I've attempted to know more about my belief every single day. I was thinking maybe it could help me see that things are not so bad at all. Maybe what I felt before was just something I could get over with intensive spiritual discipline. I took this up for the rest of the year and onwards.
June - December: Transferred univ. Everything went by fast. I met awesome freethinkers but kept on with the spiritual studies. They have taken me like a meatball thrown in a spaghetti. Suddenly, "me" was an asset in creating stuff. Psychology rocks. And so are the orgz,overnights and whatnot. By late october, I saw you again. You've looked at me for a long time as I've seen within my periphery. It was that simple and yet nothing happened. There could've been something. I remembered. Predecessor is moving forwards. Traveled on saved allowance. Refreshing.
YEAR 4
2012
January: I didn't celebrate my birthday. Didn't want to. Somehow, I realized I think I might know how it feels like.
February: Joined an N.G.O. Felt alive with it. It was better to be one with the plight of the masses than to be wallowing in self-pity. There was this sudden awakening in social and political consciousness. I loved it.
March: Traveled to places I've never been before with people I've known (and have met) only for a month. To be a stranger held in a thought lost in a crowd of people was always exhilarating. To pretend not to know , be entirely it and yet still not recognized is nothing short of what a beautiful life there is.
April - May: Had summer classes (to minimize my load on the coming school year). Had a lot of solitary walks on hills and rivers. Wrote. Wrote. Wrote. Read. Read. Wrote. Listened to strangers from everywhere. They have wonderful and distinct lives. Wrote.
June - October: Continued with the orgs. Pub. Realized that 3 years of college life wasn't as long as I would have imagined it to be back then. At the start of june I adapted to an Agnostic mindset. Some people wanted me. One had a moment once, held me by the head and attempted to kiss me. I turned it down. My heart skipped a beat. My mind was elsewhere. And so was that missing beat. idk.
November: Dreamed an awful lot. I couldn't stop it. Cleared out that future pathway of mine. Decided.
December: I bumped into a hs classmate while walking home. Somehow knew things are better for me in the present moment. I am no longer hesitant in being weird in anyway. I've done a lot of things I never thought I could do as an introvert. I somehow seem like an extrovert nowadays. People aren't hard to be friends with. Thought maybe this time, both have lost belief in an unspoken vow and maybe it was lost long ago, I just didn't see it. Maybe to be pragmatic is to accept that there's no hope in things that aren't worked for. And so I did. All things need to be worked for.
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
[La vita e bella.]
WAYTOGO BLOG!
(4 YEARS)
Have a Merry Christmas (pagan holiday)
And an enlightening New Year! :)
I am still looking forward to NWO,Illums.
[/2012]
No comments:
Post a Comment