The First of March.

She could no longer handle it, she thought.

The weight of her existence is dawning upon her

And more so, is the uncertainty of every truth in this life. For now, she could define herself easily. A 19-year-old college girl, who is experiencing a crisis upon her existence brought upon by the fact that this "status" (status = seeing good people around you) of hers would be ending soon. This biology student who dropped her subjects for the second semester to take time to think for herself..has this lingering feeling -- a slight regret not because she would've been graduating too by April but because she has been in a place of certainty for too long and is now about to face the most uncertain state she has yet to encounter.

Aytako: "This should be good."
Jy: "In our thoughts, but not when it is facing you in reality and you have to respond to its existence."
Aytako: "Uncertainty?"
Jy: "I'm doing my best to pinpoint my future steps."
Aytako: "You don't have to."
Jy: "Why?"
Aytako: "You already knew it. You just have to be courageous enough to accept what you know."
Jy: "Ok. But I wanted to tell you something.."
Aytako: "What is it?"
Jy: "I had this :feels: trip awhile ago. My brother accompanied me to the atm and then we went out for food with just the two of us but then we had to wait for his order and while at it I've bumped into a number of my college friends. One of my friends was, to my surprise, working at the counter of this fast food chain. I tried my best not to see her but she saw me and called my name. Shit awkwardness. I've ended up telling her "nahihiya ako.haha. nevermind" What was going in my head at the time? SHIT. This is the future. Where we don't see each other as equally as we used to when we were studying. I don't want that to happen but it's happening and there's nothing I could do to stop it."
Aytako: "It's ok, Jy. That's life. But you must remember and take note that even if you couldn't stop it, it doesn't mean you couldn't do anything about it. It is all true. Some will fill in the positions in this strata of society but it doesn't mean you would treat them as such (because you aren't that person!). Try as you might to hide it, you just don't want to see other people having such a hard time.'
Jy: "Di lang yun. I'm also starting to miss everybody. Hell, I didn't feel anything like this back when I was nearing my highschool graduation. It's not that I didn't miss them but because I knew I was going to see them around eventually. Just a few days ago, some of my highschool friends liked my profile pic. Honestly, I don't know what to ask them. I'm still the socially awkward person back then but older and more mature with responsibilities. Tonight, I'm missing everybody. I've posted in the group page of my editorial board that I'm starting to miss them and that I love them. My emotions are breaking out and there's nobody to aid it for a better break through..in reality. I do love everybody after all. :(("
Aytako: *hugs*
Jy: "Did you know? I haven't kissed anybody yet and I told myself I'd make it happen about 2 years ago. :( "
Aytako: "What were you waiting for?"
Jy: "Kiss somebody and tell that I loved this person really much while looking into his/her eyes."
Aytako: "The ENTJ is having her sentimental streak ladies and gents.."
Jy: " :((( "
Aytako: "It's going to be okay Jy.."

to be contd..