#143, I'll try to see myself from another person's point of view.

When i was in High school, a lot of people think I'm somebody who's regarding herself higher than what she really is. From my point of view, I find it very sickening. I hate it when people see me as someone boastful of what she doesn't have. I feel so much pain from such accusations and they hit like arrows striking through my spirit. I never wanted to be labeled like this,if I am really good at something I am not the person to show it off. Who am I to blame? My mum? My dad? for telling this and that to people? I don't want the attention if all of it only causes mockery and for me, loneliness. That is why I have decided upon myself then to be ordinary, but you see I am not a normal person. I am different and it keeps on showing. Call me weirdo but that won't change anything.

Why have i typed this btw? It's because I came across a youtube channel of a person, she thinks she is one of the greatest singers of all time. She has a number of views, not that much. She has a wikipedia profile which tells of her achievement..in the CLASSROOM. I have thought well, that's taking it too far, that's stretching it a bit. I was just about to tell myself in thought "She is a trying-hard and she thinks too highly of herself." On second thought, before enacting hate on this person and disliking every video she posted, I have read that she is autistic and that I have read her info which tells that people hated her for her awkward behavior. They can't see she's talented though she is autistic. They are disliking her because of her awkwardness and blinding themselves that she's better than other normal people.You wouldn't put a person down if it isn't a threat to ya, right? or if you are insecure she's doing some crazy things you want to do but you can't? That hit me.

I wouldn't hate myself, not any longer. Not because people would hate me for what I am...awkward. "Gifted" with a hate label. "Special", like someone that should be laughed and mocked at, someone sub-human. I didn't choose to be like this but I am glad I am different rather than IGNORANT and CLOSE-MINDED like other people. I am glad to be me. I am tired of covering up my "weirdness" and from feeling low because people are putting me down, giving me indifference. I am now accepting who I am.