For now.

I hold on to nothing.
I ought to have my personal life dead.
(die ego die!)

My present circumstance no longer matters.
Neither my past or future.
While most people would pay attention
to their lives because it makes sense for them
that it is the only thing they have (nothing could be further from the truth)
This consciousness of reality is not all that there is as most people would think of.
This life as a human is in vain.

I may post vain things in here just for conformity reasons.
Most of the time, I'm expressing disinterest.

And most of the time I'm having this mindset
It awfully breaks my heart.
The heart whispering to me:
"This is the life you deserve..to live out humanism is beautiful."
(sadness, anger, sympathy...emotional alchemy)
And I respond with:
It is my instinctual nature to give in but I have my intellect given to me
so that I could use it instead of this this...deceitful material.
It's like a pesticide to kill those parasitic
Life sucking feelings. Who knew? I long for the most
basic need of an infant to survive the early days in this world?
(the warmth of human touch)




When will ego die?
Apparently, Jesus had no personal life.
I long to live without it though I never..



[guess I'll have to wait and see]

[quaere verum]